It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
