I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize