Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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