theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
