I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
