i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
