6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
