im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
