This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
