did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
