Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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