i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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