Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Still dying that you shit outside
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize