Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
