i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's just like the Real World with babies
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
