we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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