Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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