This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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