She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
