Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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