brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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