god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Is it because I queefed?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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