you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
