even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The air was thick with penises
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
