Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
