Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.

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(801): View more from Utah

This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer

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(856): View more from New Jersey

So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.

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(909): View more from California

If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis

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(917): View more from New York City

We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell

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(477): View more from

YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!

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(618): View more from Illinois

It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex

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(903): View more from Texas

You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.

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