I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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