Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
