carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
