i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
