What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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