i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
