i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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