I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
