Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
