My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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