This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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