Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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