he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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