my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
