maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize