so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
