Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
