btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
