Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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