dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
