Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You took a bar mat shot.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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