i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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