you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
