oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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