i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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