Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
