u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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