It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
