I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
