she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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