Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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