I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
