My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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