well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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