that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
