but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
