if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
