i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
