I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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