when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
