i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
