they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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