I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
