So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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