she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
