I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
