I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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