how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
