Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
