my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
