You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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