break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
