She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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