either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
