Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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