i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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