Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
