I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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