I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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