Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
