It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
