i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
