She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
