Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
