You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
